the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
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