if i can run in heels then i can drive
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
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