a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
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So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
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I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Randomize