I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
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