these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
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