I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
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