Umm I'm too high to move.
i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
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I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
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I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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