Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
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Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
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