my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize