Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
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