can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
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