fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
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I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
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Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
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