I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
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I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
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The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
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