Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
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