After last night, I could never be a politician.
I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
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Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
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The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
i believe in u and ur pee
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
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