I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
Randomize