there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
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It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
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