My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
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