I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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