i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
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