I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
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Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
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i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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