Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
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