Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
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there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
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he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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