can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
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