He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
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