So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
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