I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Randomize