I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
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