I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
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