grandma shit on top of the toilet
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
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Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
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Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
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