I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
Randomize