Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Randomize