Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
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After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
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He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
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