Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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