i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
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is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
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