it's too hot outside to masturbate.
Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
We're not piercing ourselves today.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
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