there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
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