I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
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I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
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He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
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