There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
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i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
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Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
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