guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
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