i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
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