I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
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