I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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