dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
Houston, we have a blender
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Randomize