hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
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