drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
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the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
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