I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
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