i always forget guys have bellybuttons
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
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