No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize