my phone needs a breathalizer
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
Randomize